((rough draft))

We already know that mourning is culturally defined, (see Klass and others) but what about that very personal, intense grief we feel. How “real” is this. It feels real, as real as anything and more real than most. But is it as solid and real as we think?.

The reason I'm posing these questions is that there is a lot of suffering in the world and much of it comes as a result of the losses we all experience. (LIST) Actually, and this is the tricky part, it doesn't come as a result of the losses we all experience: it comes as a result of how we react to those losses. "Nothing is either good nor bad, but thinking makes it so." "The mind can make a hell of heaven, and a heaven of hell."

What I'm betting on is that if we have more lattitude in how we view losses, we might have more latitude in how we react to them. We might be able to reduce (decrease) the amount we suffer by changing how we think about that pain, how we react to it. Right around the time my wife was dying (1992 or so) I was going to a massage therapist once or twice a week. There is a funny story I might include here. But I got this guy massager, and he was doing my thighs. Now I think I am reasonably relaxed, and was pretty good at getting into the process of being massaged. Maybe as a result of all my meditation practice. Anyway, my thighs have been tight as long as I can remember - I suspect it goes back to playing football in high school and letting guys hit your legs but keeping your arms free. That doesn't make a lot of sense thinking about it now, but who knows.

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